Steve Biddulph | Encourage girls to be wild, strong and free

 Your daughter: She needs to be in the rhythms with seasons and nature. An overgrown garden for a cubbies and a big landscapes to run in.
Your daughter: She needs to be in the rhythms with seasons and nature. An overgrown garden for a cubbies and a big landscapes to run in.

Encourage girls to be wild, strong and free

How do we raise girls to be strong and free?  It actually starts in the toddler years. They need encouragement and permission to be adventurous, messy, noisy and physical. Fathers are often the key to this.

Many dads like to take their children into the outdoors, and are much more vigorous in how they play.  This is good for a girl who can learn to trust and enjoy her body and what it can do.  

Of course you have to be careful. I read once that children are five times more likely to end up  in hospital while in the care of their dad! So some common sense is called for.

The neuroscience is proving something very important. That nature is good for our brains. Your daughter, whatever her age, is a wild creature.

She needs to be in the rhythms, textures, seasons and peace of nature. An overgrown garden she can build cubbies in, she can have pets she can cuddle and love - and even see die - and big landscapes of beaches and hills to run in.

They are all essential to her mental health. Kids learn calmness in nature, away from screens and the jangling artificial world. Nothing in nature is saying be thin, be pretty, be rushed. 

She can find and be herself, happy in her own company, or teaming up with others to build or imagine. The clothes and toys we choose are important because they unintentionally may put limits onto her. 

Don’t dress your toddler in frilly, expensive or fragile clothes. That sends a signal to her that she is there to be looked at.  

Don’t keep telling her how pretty she is, as she will start to think that’s what matters in life. Tell her how kind she is, how strong, how funny, how good a friend, what a good climber she is.   

An occasional princess dress won’t do any harm, but in the main, avoid anywhere the words kids and fashion occur together. Dress her for messiness whenever you can.  

Imagination is better when toys are few, and don’t determine how you play. A big box of wooden blocks is better than “My little clothes shop”.  

In fact, according to Simplicity Parenting author Kim Payne, halving the amount of toys our kids have lying around actually makes it easier for them to play.

Toddlers will be able to focus better it learn. It also helps not to have TV or radio on where they are playing, as studies show that kids can’t concentrate.  

In a quiet living room, toddlers make up more stories and act out the conversations between their toys.  It’s a brilliant (and often hilarious) way that they learn social skills and deal with their lives through play.  

TV and screens are not great for toddlers. A few, well loved and well worn DVD’s or regular shows like Playschool that are crafted to suit their brain development.

These should be the only electronics in toddlers lives. With a bit of thought, we can focus on keeping little girls feeling strong, active explorers.

Girls who don’t give a thought to how they look and see the world as theirs to explore.  And that’s the start of making them free.   

The final of the ten things girls need is a hard one to put in words.  

It’s spirituality.  For some it might be a faith tradition, ready made and well developed to support their children. But for others, (and in fact, for all teenagers who must step outside their parents world to grow) it means a chance to discover, in the natural world, in reading, in poetry or art,  or from the lives of others, that they belong.  

That they are part of the whole, and need never feel lonely. On a beach one day, or a mountain top, or under a starry sky,  your daughter may feel that sense, and be set free by it. Nobody ever has all the Ten Things, it’s a life long search. But we can pinpoint what might be missing, and go in search.  

Steve Biddulph is the author of Ten Things Girls Need Most.