With Christmas less than two weeks away parents around the world are scrambling to find gifts for their children that will evoke Instagrammable smiles and allow them to bank another precious memory. As a mother of two – I’m no different. I’m not going to lie though – after just finishing Chanukah, I feel daunted by the task of finding even more presents my kids will most likely play with for four minutes, dismember and then discard into the abyss that is our couch.
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Luckily, this year’s requests have been peacock feathers and books, which aren’t too bad. But my kids are also obsessed with those super overpriced (and probably terrible for the environment) LOL dolls.
Have you heard of an LOL doll? They’re basically a Thumbalina size doll with enlarged eyes and bedazzled to look like the love child of Beyoncé and Lady Gaga. They come individually wrapped in an opaque hard shell (plus an enormous amount of other superfluous packaging).
You don’t know which doll you’re going to get until you gamble $17 and your soul. Anyway – my son, who is three, sees his big sister excitedly unwrap an LOL doll on the regular (so long, college tuition!) so I got him one for Chanukah. A few days later, I walked into an admittedly familiar scene: projectile tears, screams of terror, and my son and daughter running around the living room like a greyhound chasing a rabbit carcass.
I watched my husband intervene and take an LOL doll out of my son’s hand and say, “This is your sister’s doll! It’s girl toy.”
I immediately spoke up, “No it’s not. It’s HIS. And it’s not a GIRL toy. It’s a doll. Anyone, regardless of their sexual organs can play with it.”
It took a few minutes, but finally the LOL doll was in the hands of the rightful owner and my husband was apologetic. It’s not like he meant to gender stereotype or cared about our son having a doll. He was just desperately trying to diffuse the situation and assumed it was our daughter’s.
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A few days later though, I was talking to my friend, Zoe, about what she’s getting her son, who’s nearly 3, for Christmas. She told me that she’s getting him a play kitchen, but that while at the shops an older woman – roughly in her low to mid 70s said, “SHE’S going to love it.” Zoe corrected her. “Thanks, but it’s for my son.” The woman looked uneasy and seemingly wanted to reassure Zoe so she said, “Don’t worry – he’ll grow out of it.”
Since Zoe is like most mums who operate on zombie mode, she just awkward smiled and then left. And then in the car had the mental rant of her life. “Grow out of what? Wanting to be able to prepare food for himself, his family or his friends? His chef goals?” (Then she quietly imagined him becoming the next Jamie Oliver and prayed that woman would live long enough to see it.)
As she relayed the situation to me I shared an instance where my son wanted to play dress up with my daughter and her friends at a BBQ. As he whirled and twirled in a sparkly gown worthy of the show, Toddlers and Tiaras, one of the kid’s grandfathers said to me, “Let’s hope that’s just a phase.”
At the time I gave him that dry mouth smile and wide eye look that says, “I’m agreeing with you, but only because you’re my friend’s dad and this is her house and I don’t feel like she’d appreciate my sassy comment about your homophobia.” Just like Zoe though, the rant in my head as I left was nearly audible. “Why would I want my child’s ability to socialise, imagine, play, act, dance, and twirl just be a phase?!”
Zoe agreed. She also told me about how both of her sons have loved pushing prams around and that again, women and men of a certain age, love to comment and offer support that, “They’ll grow out of it.” Here’s what Zoe said, “I don’t want to see my children grow out of feeling paternal and nurturing.
My kids are pushing prams around because they see strong male role models, like their own father, and their friends’ fathers, push prams around and that’s a good thing.”
As the mother of both a boy and a girl, I’m not trying to live in a gender-neutral house. I love celebrating my daughter’s femininity and my son’s masculinity. However, I love seeing the cross over and knowing that they will grow up feeling like they have equal opportunities in the workplace and equal responsibilities at home.
Summer Land is a writer and author of Summerlandish: Do As I Say, Not As I Did. Her next book, I Now Pronounce You Husband and Expat is out February 19, 2019.
