So I’m sitting here thinking there is plenty of housework to be done, but at the same time thinking on what excuse I could use, not to be tackling it, my options; I could bore you people with a ‘story’ since it’s been a while or suck it up and just do the housework… nah, story it is.
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School holidays have started, friends and family have all headed off on their holidays, and it got me thinking of those that will remain anonymous and after reading, you’ll understand why they would want to remain anonymous.
Just like my group of friends, there is this older crowd who also travel together regularly. This particular time they were travelling in Paris, visiting the son of one of the couples, when they were out exploring the streets, one of the ladies needed to use a toilet. They came across this toilet block on this quite busy street, both ladies in the group deciding they would grab this opportunity to use it. Now this toilet is what is referred to as a ‘self-cleaning toilet’ and you needed coin to operate it. Only having enough for one to enter, they dropped the coin in and the first of the two ladies entered. The door shut, locked itself, light automatically flicking on, and away she went. In the meantime, the son of the one waiting to use the toilet, rushed off to change a note for coin, so his mother could use the toilet.
Now the son taking a while, the first of the two had finished, emerges from this spaceship looking building, says to her dear friend, “Quick jump in before the door shuts and use it.” Not a problem she thinks, so races in and allows the door to shut, and shut it did.
Well unfortunately for the second user, she is now about to find out why they call it a ‘self-cleaning toilet’. The door locks shut, light turns off, and said person is now in complete darkness, which unfortunately for her means she cannot see the Emergency button, which had she of hit would then have abruptly stopped the experience she was about to encounter.
So said person is now banging on the door, like a heavy metal drummer, screaming that the light has gone out, the room is in complete darkness and that she can’t find the door handle. The news is broken to her, there is no door handle! The first user, trying to be heard over the busy street, screams back instructions as to where the emergency button is. Now this button has just become even more urgent to find, as current toilet user can now feel her ankles getting wet. Yep the toilet room is now filling itself up with water. More panicked screams, as she can feel the water rising, the water now passing her ankles, to which now only excites the husband of said trapped one into frenzy and along with the guilty one, who had originally sent her in, are both now frantically trying to claw the door open.
While all this is going on, the Son has finally made an appearance, without having to ask, knows already what this pair have done, and throws a coin into the coin box and suddenly for the one trapped, she can feel the water level lowering, the light has now flicked on and she can now see just how close her hands were to the emergency button. Once the water has drained, the door automatically opens, and out falls this half drenched rat, which by the way, still hasn’t been able to use the toilet.
So while standing out on the side walk, being reassured by her so called good friends, with her wet lower jeans clinging to her legs, she cops the comment from one passer-by “Pfft, tight-arse English” and may others sniggering and they walk by.
“Your dilemma now is explaining to the entire tour group how you’ve gotten wet trousers in this stinking hot dessert, any ideas?”
Understanding that she has had a terrible fright, and knowing that all those commuters around them also know what she has done, she still feels she must use the toilet, on the condition that her husband must come inside the toilet cell with her. So both enter the toilet cell and the toilet door locks closed and all goes to plan this time, until it’s time to exit. Yep as the dishevelled clingy couple exit the toilet, would you believe more judgement is given as a police officer walks by.
Well if I’m going to bag the girls in this group, I may as well even it up with the male version of ‘When you’ve gotta go… you’ve gotta go’.
Same group are travelling together. This time they are in Dubai and are travelling on a 4WD tour of the dessert. The two cars full of tourists have parked to view the sites, when said male decides to leave the group and walk in the opposite direction, leading to behind the cars. Time has ticked on and said male has not returned from walk about. This said male is known for wandering off and getting lost, so has his small group concerned, and so discreetly one of the females from the group wanders off to find him. Just as she arrives to the area he was last seen, she spots him halfway down a huge sand dune, smothered in sand from head to toe, struggling to climb back to the top. As she helps him climb the sand dune, she asks, “What on earth are you doing down there?” He answers, “It’s not by choice, I came over here to have a private wee widdle, minding my own business, when the bloody sand gives out from under my feet and next thing I know, I’m tumbling down this bloody sand dune. The god damn dilemma I’m now facing is do I keep hanging onto my crown jewels? Or, do I let them fend for themselves and try and break my fall by putting my hands out, and as you can see from the wet trousers, I decided to go with the latter and put my hands out.
She answers, “Your dilemma now is explaining to the entire tour group how you’ve gotten wet trousers in this stinking hot dessert, any ideas?”