Summer In Mudgee | What type of mum are you?

Even before we embark on those long nine months to motherhood, I think it’s safe to say that we have a general idea of what type of mum we want to be.  Even as a 10- year-old with a plastic baby doll to care for during Sex-Ed, I knew I was going to be a Mother’s Group Mom. Within the five days of the assignment, I had organised a baby shower, play-date, and joint shopping trip to the mall. (It’s important to get out and about…. After those 6 weeks needles though!)

When my husband, Paul, and I first started kicking around the idea of having kids, I remember being this all knowing ex nanny/ camp counsellor/ protégé of Donna Land aka my actual mom aka the baby whisperer and I was full of opinions. I genuinely remember telling Paul that we can’t say negatives to our child. For example: “Don’t play with the paint inside.” Apparently, kids don’t hear the “Don’t” and instead hear, “Play with the paint inside.” I told Paul we have to say, “Play with the paint outside!” I think you’re probably silently laughing right now, aren’t you?

Well here I am – some five years later and two kids later and all of my preconceived notions of what type of mom I was going to be have gone out the window. (The car window that was supposed to be child locked.) There’s paint inside, I cry in the car, but I also feel like I’m doing a pretty good job of raising incredible humans.

Still, I think we, as humans, strive for definitions and titles so below I’ve outlined the different types of moms we can choose from. 

Hippie Mom

  • Hybrid car or move to a city with public transport
  • Other option - walk or ride push bikes
  • Grow all of our own food, have a great compost pile
  • No vaccines
  • Natural water birth at home
  • Kids grow up to run a “Make Your Own Dream Catcher” course in Brooklyn

Safe Mom

  • Volvo SUV
  • Live in a gated community
  • Only buy organic food
  • Yes Vaccines
  • Monitored birth at a private hospital
  • Kids grow up to be doctors, obviously

Dangerous Mom

  • Motorcycle
  • Lives next to an unfenced body of water
  • Only feeds kids candy bars and fizzy drinks
  • What are vaccines?
  • Toilet birth
  • Kids grow up to write witty memoir about how dangerous their childhood was

Cool Mom

  • BMW X5 SUV
  • Live in an awesome renovated home
  • Buys organic food, but is also down to order Dominos
  • Yes to vaccines
  • Birth is birth – open to drugs
  • Kids grow up to be avid travellers and manage 7 figure jobs from their iPhones

Donna Mom

  • Mini Van
  • Lives in lots of different homes
  • Loves fancy food and fast food
  • Yes to vaccines
  • C-sections
  • Kids grow up to be free spirits with a love for the arts/ an addiction to Mexican food

American Mom

  • Ford Excursion
  • Lives in manicured neighbourhood of garage doors
  • Oblivious to GMOs
  • Yes to vaccines
  • Of course I’m getting an epidural
  • Kids grow up and have to advocate for gun control

Australian ‘Mum’

  • Land Rover Discovery
  • Lives in a restored heritage listed home
  • Grows own vegies and buys half a lamb at one time
  • Yes to vaccines
  • It’s all about the Calm Birth class
  • Kids grow up to take gap year and then become a genetic counsellor. Also still in touch with their au pair.

Survivalist ‘Mum’

  • Nissan X-Trail (peppered inside with French fries)
  • Lives in a half renovated house
  • Drinks wine, eats chicken fingers, but works out a lot
  • Yes to vaccines
  • It’s all about the “JUST GET IT OUT”
  • Kids grow up with the best friends ever because this mum needed other mums around to get through the day

I think it’s pretty obviously I’m the Survivalist Mum. Which one are you?

Summer Land is a writer and author of Summerlandish. Get a signed copy of her book at http://www.summerlandauthor.com.